Traveling the Rock Road

Life can be more difficult for any child that grows up without both parents.  Studies have shown that children who grow up without the presents of a father are subject to more mental and emotional anxiety than most. That was my case. The man I refer to as Dad, I never met and it left a hole in my life with many questions. Over the years I’ve met numerous others in the same situation as myself.

One, in particular, broke my heart as she told me her story. Up until she was five years old her dad was there for her and her mom. She was happy and loved her dad dearly. Then one day her mom told her that her dad had left and wouldn’t be coming back. My friend was devastated. No, this couldn’t be happening. The man at the center of her universe was now gone, not coming back, and he didn’t even tell her goodbye. She never saw him again. Her world was crushed for a long time, wondering what happened that he would leave like that.

It wasn’t until she was in her 20s that her mom finally told her the truth that he had found someone else and chose to be with them. Now her demeanor turned from sadness to anger. It was hard to believe her beloved father had made the decision to abandon his wife and his little girl. And the anger burned like an uncontrollable fire. “If that’s the kind of man he truly is then it’s fine that he left,” she said. My friend’s heart was now hard and didn’t trust many men she came into contact with. She told me that she would not get into a relationship with anyone that could do the same thing to her as her dad did. The day we talked I could see she had a lot of bitterness in her life.

So, I tried what worked for me. “I understand he hurt you, but don’t you think you’d feel so much better if you did one thing? And that is forgive him.” There was no way that was ever going to happen. “I hate him for what he did, and I will never forgive him!” Sometimes when we say no or never, God has other ideas.

The next time we met up she was softener in her character. Lowering her voice so no one else would hear, she told me her dad’s now wife had contacted her appealing that she please, come and see him. “Dad is very ill and they don’t expect him to live much longer.” His wife said he had spoken of her often, very repentant of what he had done. I don’t know if I’ll go see him or not. Besides, I doubt if he’d know me. Not only had the years rolled by since they had seen each other, but he was also suffering from a form of dementia. “What do you think I should do?” Now I’m the eternal optimist; ones that know me best will tell you that. So, the only words that God gave me at that moment were, “I feel if you don’t go to see him and he passes away, you’ll have regrets the rest of your life.” The next day she purchased an airline ticket to Portland, Oregon. Her parting words to were, “I’ll go see him, but if I get the chance, I’m going to tell him just how bad he hurt mom and me. And I have no plans of being polite!”

She walked into the hospital room brightly lit and painted white. It made her eyes squint a little until she got use to the décor. There was an old man lying in a bed with IVs and monitors connected to him. She didn’t even recognize him as he lay there asleep. She started to feel like she had made a mistake coming there. She was just about leave when he woke up and saw her. “Hi Cutie, are you another doctor?” She had to laugh at this comment. “No, I’m no doctor.” She figured it now or never. “I’m your daughter, Dad.” The words made his face go blank.

Dementia had taken a great deal of his memory, including her. But she could tell he kept pondering the words that were just spoken to him. He hadn’t made much eye contact up to then. But now he was looking at her intently, studying everything about her. Now my dear friend was starting to get angry. She had so much she wanted to say to him, yell at him, but now it wouldn’t do any good since he can’t remember her.

She was getting ready to leave and head back to the airport. That is until something almost miraculous happened. She noticed tears in his eyes and he continued to gaze upon her. Holding out his hand she realized he wanted to hold hers. A moment of hesitation but then her hand gently folded around frail fingers. A long moment of silence between the two and they caressed each other’s hand. When he finally spoke, he said something she never expected. “I’m sorry Sweetheart, but I just don’t remember you. I wish I could but I can’t. Now with tears running down his face uncontrollably, he looked at her and said life changing words. “Baby, was I a good father?” Now tears were flowing from her eyes also. Suddenly all the past and all the bitterness she had held against this soul was completely gone. He said words she never expected. And now she was going to do the same. Smiling down on him in that bed she said, “Dad, you were the best.”

Tim Keller: “In forgiving, rather than retaliating, you make a choice to bear the cost.” Forgiveness is a choice to absorb the hurt instead of passing it on.

Max Lucado: “Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!” Letting go of resentment releases you from the jail of bitterness.

Colossians 3:13: “Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

In a short moment all the animosity she had dealt with for years was gone. With just a few words from his heart. She would have been cheered on by many if she got up and walked out. But that day God was working on the hearts of these two “Travelers of the Rock Road.” They could have gone separate ways again with her wallowing in her bitterness. Instead, she stayed all that day and the next, talking, laughing and smiling for hours. She was happier than she had been in years. Because she was with her Father. Several days after she returned back east, she received words her dad had finished his earthly walk.  In their talks she came to believe he knew his Lord and was with Him now.

I haven’t seen her much in the last 20 years, but when I did, her life had changed, much happier now. And if you were to talk to her about her dad, she’d most likely say something like, “He’s in Heaven now and I will be someday. I look forward to two events then. The first, jumping into the arms of Jesus. The second; jumping into the arms of the man who will be standing right behind Jesus. I love you dad”

See you next time.